Humility in a box

How can humility come in a box? When the box contains tap shoes. In December I auditioned for Thoroughly Modern Millie knowing that I was too old to be Millie but thinking maybe I could be the crazy Chinese lady. I went to callbacks and they said I was too young to be the Chinese lady. For dance call backs, the choreographer had tap shoes on and said, "O.K. do a basic and a falap ball change, twist, and a tapp-iti- tap tap (and all these other crazy terms that I don't know but apparently everyone else did). It was my worse dance audition ever. They took almost a week to get back to me and so I had to humbly admit to myself that I hadn't made the show. I'd at least been offered chorus roles in other shows at Rogers but my last show was Seussical when I was pregnant with Jack (4 years ago). They finally called and asked if I would be in the dance ensemble. (I thought, "Are they crazy? Did the Director miss my dance audition?")

We began with a few dance rehearsals and the choreographer continued with her big fancy words and has made it clear that once she teaches a dance, you are just supposed to know it or practice it at home on your own. We have several big dance numbers and we have a number where we have to tap the entire song while seated at a desk and a more traditional tap number. It is very fun, but very challenging for me, especially since I can't work on it much outside of rehearsal. I have taken to video taping some of the numbers and posting them on another blog so that I can at least watch them in between rehearsals.

One thing about me is that I love to try hard things and make myself stretch. (Not literally, although we do do some of that) This show experience so far has stretched me so far, it's been humbling. I really respect all the dancers I work with that make everything look so effortless even though, I know they've worked very hard and have taken dance and tap classes for years and years. So I've been humbled to be the worst dancer out there and also to be the only one without a name. (In theatre, even though "There are no Small Parts, only Small Actors," every line is precious and we chorus people love to have a name or something to say, even if it is just one line.) I don't feel comfortable in the spotlight but I always like to think that if I were given an opportunity to be the star of the show, that I could do it. This show is teaching me to enjoy being ensemble and to not get bitter over not having a name or a line. (it's still a work in progress;)

I also get incredibly nervous singing solos and especially auditions when I feel like someone is watching and judging me. So what do I do about it? Agree to sing solos in church or at community sing-a-longs and audition for community theatre when I don't really have the time or the tapping abilities to do so. This afternoon I participated in a story-telling festival with professional story tellers. I've never been a good story teller and I always get emotional if too many people are looking at me or if I have to memorize something. Talk about intimidating, I was afraid I was going to have older kids who would boo me (and my little princess costume) off the stage and tell me that I wasn't a real story teller. As luck would have it, I got two groups of very young kids (Jack's age) who loved my story and laughed at my silly frog voices. The kids made it so fun.

I hope if I keep doing things that stretch me, that maybe I'll be like an old hair elastic and not bounce all the way back; that performing will get easier, that auditions won't terrify me, and that maybe I'll even be able to recall what a plea pencil turn is.

FYI: Millie opens Feb. 20 and I'm in the Tues, Thurs, Sat cast