Journaling

I have been thinking alot about things and have decided that I need to be better about journaling. So I decided I'm going to write more on my blog and see if I can figure some things out about myself and the ways that I look at the world. I want to start out by saying that I love my Life! I am so blessed to have a wonderful family, beautiful children, a wonderful job, good friends and happy childhood memories. I am grateful for the bounties that God has blessed me with. We have been blessed to be able to pay off alot of our student loans, I start work when I want to and finish whenever I'm done. I can work 5 hours during the day and then another couple hours when the kids are in bed. I'm able to go volunteer at Jack's school and my job pays for continuing education (aka a short educational vacation every year :). I have a great job. We live across the street from some great friends who we are very involved with and are a great support to us. I would like to keep reminding myself of these things and also get to know myself better by exploring some of my idiosyncracies such as:

-Why do I not realize how good something is until it is gone or I've lost it? It's easier for me to look back on something with rose colored glasses while under-appreciating what I have right now.

- Why can I not make myself take a shower unless I have exercised or swam? Seriously sometimes I go for days waiting to get a chance to exercise so I can sweat enough to take a shower.

-Why can't I complete a food diary for more than 3 days or why can I not go more than 3 days without eating sugar?

-Why do I think that I want to be a full time stay at home mom, but whenever I am home I just want to take my kids and get out of the house?

- Why am I so influenced by commercials? Commercials can make me crave pizza or want to go on vacation or take a nap, basically anything...

-Whenever I hear of a new parenting technique or the way someone I respect is cutting out TV or minimizing their lifestyle I feel like I need to do it as well. Why? I love books on tape especially LDS books and uplifting parenting books but I don't love the guilt that comes with it if I am not able to apply all I've learned.

- Speaking of this I want to minimize, but I love buying stuff. It's fun and I can always think of a reason I might use it in the future even if I recognize that I don't really need it.

- I've spent my life trying not to become my mother but now I think I would love to be like my mom and even become a teacher like my mom.