Parenting 505

While Adam was gone and I was in Utah, I had a few rough nights where Lilly was fussy, Charlie wouldn’t stay in his bed and Jack and Charlie were bickering constantly. After one particularly rough night, I went to the library to look up books on parenting. As I was standing there in the aisle with the two boys, one started pushing the other, followed by a biting incident. I felt like anyone walking by was thinking, “Yea she better be checking out “Parenting with Love and Logic” and “The Difficult Child.” I’ve been examining my parenting style and thinking about how I want to encourage positive behavior.

The book I started with was “How to Tame the Dragon in your Child.” It had some good ideas but the most important one for me was that I needed to set the example. If I let myself get so exhausted that I lose my cool and throw my own temper tantrum, how can I expect them to handle their anger in a positive way. If I spank them when I’m mad, how I can I teach them not to hit when they are mad. I’ve always known that you shouldn’t spank after a child turns three, but since Charlie’s a few weeks from three and passing through a defiant stage, I guess I’ve been feeling like I need to get them in while I can. But now, I resolve to stop spanking period, to get myself in control before I discipline, and to encourage and teach positive interactions and self-control. One of the first things I tried that made a big difference was spending one on one time with Charlie. Just an hour of playing with me alone made a HUGE difference in his mood for the rest of the day. We also implemented a token system at Adam’s suggestion where the kids could earn tokens for good behavior and handling frustrations positively and lose tokens for negative behavior. We promised a reward when Adam arrived from VA if they each had 10 tokens. Charlie is still a bit young for it but with Jack it worked like a charm. I didn’t even have to threaten taking tickets but a simple, “Jack” would remind him to treat his brother with more kindness.

By reading and talking to some good friends, I was able to make enough a paradigm shift that the next time Charlie pooped his pants. (He’s been so good but the last few weeks his potty training has gone out the window) but instead of thinking that he had done it on purpose and flying off the handle and disciplining because of his apparent disrespect for my authority, I didn’t say anything and happily cleaned him up. Without prompting, he said that he was sorry and I was able to be the comforting Mom and tell him that we all make mistakes and he can try better next time. What a difference! I love being a Mom and I love spending quality time with my kids. I’m working with Jack a few minutes a day on reading and it is so incredibly rewarding. I’m kind of sad it has to end and I have to go back to work in Aug.

Parents can and must correct, even chasten, if their children are not to be cast adrift at the mercy of a merciless adversary and his supporters. President Boyd K. Packer has observed that when a person in a position to correct another fails to do so, he is thinking of himself. Remember that reproof should be timely, with sharpness or clarity, 'when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy' (D&C 121:43)” (D. Todd Christofferson, “As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten,” Apr. 2011 general conference).

“A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?” (Lynn G. Robbins, “What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?” Apr. 2011 general conference).

Flaming Gorge 2011

We went out to Flaming Gorge with Robby and Alyssa and his friends Kyle and Jen. Despite rainy weather, water that was too high and had washed out the trails and broken boats, we had a pretty good time. Jack is now officially obsessed with fireworks, Lilly slept through the night (twice) and Charlie is training for his future as an Olympic runner. He probably did about 20 laps around the cabin a day as fast as he could. Keith and Eileen let us stay in their bunkhouse, which was pretty fun. Grandma Julie, Madi and Grandpa Dave stopped by for lunch one day and brought Lilly a really cute dress for boating. We roasted hot dogs, made smores including an inside out smore and enjoyed spending time with Robby.

Happy Birth-Day Baby Lillian Joy Evans!!

Our Princess has arrived!!!

Here are the boys welcoming their little sister to the world. She has a little onsie on that even says "Little Sister." Laura has been watching them when they are not in school and she says she has been working on her title of "favorite auntie" by letting them stay up late, eat nothing but pizza and candy and snuggling them in our beds. They are a little spoiled...

Charlie loved pointing out all of baby Lilly's parts. He would say, "She has little hands like me, she has little feet like me, she has a tummy like me," and so on- it was very cute.
I am now the mom of 3! I can't believe it. They sure are cute big brothers.
Everyone is so excited that Lilly is finally here. On Sunday night Jackson prayed that Lilly would come out the next day and that she would be healthy and have no problems. He said that Jesus would do that because "Jesus is good" and he answers our prayers. He was thrilled when Laura picked him up and told him that Baby Lilly was being born.
Here is one of the first pictures we've got so far. She just loves to suck her hands and play with them up by her mouth.
This is her Thinker pose. "I'm thinkin.... I'm thinkin....."
Here is a very happy and exhausted Daddy holding his princess minutes after she was born.
Her first check. Her apgar scores were 8 at 1 min and 9 at 5 min. She weighed 6 lb 13 oz and was 19.5" long at birth.
First glimpse of our sweet baby.
On the birthing ball in the middle of the night. Adam was so sweet he rubbed my back while I bounced.
At the beginning, before the pain, documenting the past weeks events for posterity.

-Lilly's Birth Story- (It's long and detailed but not as scary or traumatic as the boys' birth stories)

We planned to have a vaginal birth like I did with Charlie, but my hospital Memorial Hospital in Martinsville isn't certified to do VBACs as they are called which stands for vaginal birth after cesarian. So we got special permission from our insurance to go to Roanoke and see another Dr. Chewning. I started seeing Dr Torres in Martinsville but transferred to Dr Chewning at about 29 weeks. Things were going well and I was just waiting to go into labor on my own because they don't like to induce VBACs (my previous Dr absolutely refused to induce due to risk of uterine rupture with heavy contractions.)

Last Wed. we went to our standard check up and Dr C checked my cervix and said that the head felt too squishy. We had an ultrasound and found out that baby Lilly was breech. The nurses and Dr. had the saddest voices as they told us how sorry they were for us and that now we would have to have a c-section. I had heard of baby's turning before so I asked for a few days to see if we could pray the baby into turning. He agreed but scheduled the c-section for the next monday or wed. Financially, to have a c-section at matinsville was going to cost $100. To have a VBAC in Roanoke was going to be about $3000 but to have a c-section in Roanoke had the potential of costing $5000 or more if insrance refused to cover it seeing that we could have done a c-section at the smaller hospital. We made arrangements to see my original Dr. Torres if we needed to go the c-section route. Then we began prying like crazy that I wouldn't have to have a c-section and that baby Lilly would turn.

We tried every trick we could find online (even the crazy ones). I layed in special positions with my hips higher than my head. Adam shone a light down my belly and told Lilly to turn towards the light. We played tab choir music on my pubic bone hoping she would turn to hear it. I swam and did flip turns and headstands in the pool. Adam rubbed my belly in a special way that apparently only Drs are supposed to do but we didn't really know that. He said he could feel like Heavenly Father had given him x-ray vision and he could tell by touch exactly where her head and her feet are. On thursday night I felt some nice big kicks and then when Adam felt my stomach the head was not in the same spot anymore. We went back to Roanoke on friday and she had flipped!! The nurses were so exited for us and told us how rare it was that a baby would flip in their last week because they usually don't have room for such gymnastics. Although my Doc had told me he would induce me if she turned, the hospital was too busy and we were told to wait until monday. I was very worried that she might turn again and again tried to induce myself. This time I tried red rasberry leaf tea that is supposed to start labor but it didn't work...

On monday we went to the Drs at 8:00 AM and were there 2 hours before being seen. Dr. C said I could go be induced in the next couple days but when he called the hospital they said that monday would be best so we had an apt for 1:00. We went to the mall bought some shoes and had a nice last supper. At 3:00 I was put on pitocin to induce labor. I was dilated to a 3. after 3 hours I was a 3.5 but Lilly's head was still high and it was turned sideways. After another 3 hours her head had dropped some and the Dr on call said she could break my water if I wanted. The nurse had scared me though by saying that if I didn't want an epidural or if epidurals didnt work on me, I should hold off as long as possible because the pain really picks up after having your water broken. I asked her to come back in an hour but then the nurse said she couldn't come back until 3AM. About 12 the contractions were too painful to lay down anymore and by 2:30 AM I was ready to try an epidural even if it didn't work because I had no idea how many more hours I had ahead of me. I got the epidural (ouch) and it didn't take like it normally does. I could still feel pain but it kind of took the edge off. At 4:00 I let the Doctor break my water because I was still only at a 4.5 almost 5 and the head was still high (-3 station). I relaxed alot and was able to fall asleep. I slept for an hour and then woke up nauseaus and in pain. I threw up my popsicle. Then the nurse was going to put a catheter in but she said, "Oh, my there is a head there!"

She called the Dr. told me not to cough or move and the Dr ran into the room suited up and caught the head as it slid out with one of the contractions. There was a cord wrapped around her that had to be cut and then a small push and the rest of her flopped out. It was so easy!! It was amazing! Adam got to trim the cord and I was just so impressed how calm the Dr and nurses are when the baby comes out all purple and they suction her out until she coughs and cries.

She is just beautiful. She looks like a c-section baby with a perfect little head and dainty nose. She looks a lot like Charlie to me except her face is rounder. I'm still in the hospital but so far she has been a very good baby. She sleeps a lot and LOVES nursing and sucking on her hands. She is a pirana like the boys were and already has nursing blisters on her lips. We are so excited and thankful to have her in our family. I am so grateful for Drs. and that they have the skills to do something like break your water so that I could not have a much shorter labor. (Only 15 hours but I don't count the beginning part). I didn't need any stitches and only had 2 superficial tears- I already feel great! (except my left leg was pretty asleep from the epidural that apparently worked better than either the anesthesiologist or I had expected) Within an hour we had taken some pictures and texted our parents and then posted them on facebook. We started getting congratulatory messages from all over the country it was very fun especially since we are far away both from home and from the people in our branch. We received a visit from the Hodnetts in the AM and then from Laura and the boys after school. We have to stay here 48 hours for observation from the strep B complication which they say Lilly is doing great and is just standard procedure. Otherwise I think we could have come home today. What a great experience and a great new addition to our family.

Jackson's first triathlon

Auntie Laura signed Jack up for a triathlon a few months ago and we have been "training" for it off and on since then. Really it was just for excuses to practice swimming across the pool and learning to ride his bike better. We thought he was doing great. He swims better than any other 5-year old I know. He has also gotten a lot faster on his bike and learned to control it. We think he's probably about ready to take his training wheels off. We bought some new shoes to help him grip his pedals better and jack took them for a test run around the store to make sure they were triathlon worthy. We have also been working on the emotional aspects of racing. Jackson has a tendency to compare himself with other kids, even ones that are much older than him. This can be frustrating because he gets upset when he can't do things as well or ride as fast as the older kids. So I have been coaching him alot lately that in the triathlon, other kids would be faster than him and that he wasn't competing against them, but against himself and that if he did his best and didn't quit, he could be proud of himself and we would be proud of him too. My biggest fear was that he would get frustrated when the older kids passed him and throw a fit or have a bad experience. We looked up the racers on line and there were only 5 boys in his division so we secretly hoped he would do well enough to place or get some sort of award.

Friday night Jack came down with a temperature and was very sick and lethargic. Saturday morning, he felt ok so we packed up the minivan and drove 2.5 hours down to North Carolina for the infamous triathlon. The whole event was a little intimidating. What they had advertised as a low-key family friendly event had over 200 children participating with just as many ambitious parents running around coaching their kids on transition techniques and last minute racing advice. Many of the kids had special triathlon suites and their families had triathlon team shirts. The music was loud and Jack's age group ended up with 19 boys instead of 5 and they were the first to race.

Here is jack showing his muscles and loving that they wrote numbers on his arms in permanent markers. The swim did not go so well. The other boys (in speedos) looked like they might have been on swim teams. Jack's nerves got the best of him, he grabbed the lane line and the life guard stuck his buoy in to pull him the last yard to the wall. I helped him transition but he was nearly the last boy out of the water (except for the one that had to be really rescued by the life guard).
He ran about 200 yards to get on his bike and then biked .3 miles around a little trail.
Apparently he and this boy were neck and neck but only one or two of the other boys had training wheels. I missed this part because I was hurrying back over from the pool.

We waited and waited and finally Jack ran around the corner holding a volunteer's hand. He was coughing and I heard her saying "You can do it." On his last 20 feet he had a really big burst of speed and the announcer said she had never seen such speed. His time was 8:20 and he came in 18th.

Here is a very tired boy who is just happy to be done.
He and Charlie had a fun time playing on the bouncys
and a very happy toothless boy got some cotton candy rewards and we went out to eat to celebrate. Jack did what I asked him to do- he finished and didn't seem to mind that he didn't win. (although he did apologize for having the lifeguard save him). I on the other hand, kept thinking about how I should have prepared him better and we should have driven down another day so he could have run through the course beforehand. How do parents not live vicariously through their kids? Laura and I were so excited the day before, we wanted to take him out to carbo-load and Laura coached him on visualization techniques.