To warn you, this is a venting post. I don't usually use the blog to vent and I promise not to do it too often, but I just came home from church early and need to talk. The day started out fine with us arriving early for my first day conducting the music. I almost got to feel the spirit during Sacrament but I was worried about Adam dealing with the boys by himself, Jack was throwing a tempur tantrum and Charlie was working up to his feeding frenzy cry. I came down and handled the problems hoping that Charlie would make it until the end of the meeting. He didn't so I ended up in the Mother's Lounge like usual and then sprinting up the halls and tossing Charlie to Adam barely making it to my spot as the organist began the hymn.
Then I took Jack and Charlie to sunbeams but Jack didn't want to stay. They tricked him last week but this week, noing that there would be no toys, he just wouldn't stay. So after several minutes of distracting him and consoling him I was finally able to slip out. Then I went in late to Sunday school in time to hear the teacher ask someone, "Why did you come to church today." The person was my friend Todd who after joking that if he didn't his wife would kill him, proceded to make a very intelligent comment about being present so that the Lord could tell you what you need if you are listening... I couldn't hear it all that well because Charlie started talking (and yelling) like he has been doing all day since 4:00 this morning. I looked around the room and saw two types of faces, some were saying "Oooh, I hope she doesn't feel like she has to leave since her baby is making such a fuss, even though it would be easier to hear." and the others saying, "I know we can't ask her to leave with that baby, but don't you think she should just take the hint that she's ruining the class for the rest of us."
Which is when I began thinking, as I'm sure many of us do and I am not alone in this. "What am I doing here?" "Am I getting anything out of this?" "Would I be better off at home watching channel 11 or reading my scriptures?" Yes, I know that it's all about the habbit, and the obedience, etc. etc. But this is a very trying time. Is it just a test to see if we can survive? Are teenagers easier to bring to church? Will I someday be able to have a real calling or be able to listen to a whole talk or lesson or am I doomed to live in either the hall or the mother's lounge? I guess I'm just frustrated but I know "we've all been there."
13 comments:
Hey Beckadoo! I think you forgot one kind of face that was definitely in there. It's the face that says, "I remember how stressful that is. I'd like to help. Maybe I could take the baby out so she could listen for a while....but it's probably none of my business. I should just stay here. It's tough to be the mom." I'm pretty sure that's what some of those faces were. Hang in there!!
I don't think I've heard an entire church lesson in over 6 years. I so feel your pain, girl! Some days are just like that. In Seattle, when Jonas was little and a complete terror, I thought that perhaps it was best to be at church so there would be plenty of witnesses to keep me from killing him:)
And I think Mindy is exactly right. I am quite sure there were plenty of folks in that class who were nothing but sympathetic!
Okay, I completely understand your frustration. There have been times in sacrament meeting when people turn their head to look at me while my child is screaming. That makes me just want to scream at them, "What are you looking at? Don't you remember what it is like to deal with a 2 year old during sacrament meeting?!?!" Oh, yeah and I also feel like sticking my tongue out at them! (I know, where does my screaming child get this attitude from?) Also, I am very mature, but whatever.
I agree with what your friend, Mindy said. I have so much more sympathy and empathy for other mothers in these types of situations because I go through them too.
Don't stop going to Church. Heavenly Father needs and wants you there. It's difficult, but that's okay, and it may not get better with teenagers, I don't know (I hope it does :) ). Taking deep breaths and tuning others out helps.
I hope I have made some sense.
It does get better. For years I felt the same way. When the boys were all little there was a Sunday that we took different ones out 5 or 6 times in one Sacrament meeting. There does come a day that you will be able to sit through a whole meeting and listen to everything and when it comes it's wonderful. Keep going and remember every mom has gone through the same thing we all know how it feels.
I know how you feel. My husband is the ward clerk. I sit on the bench with 5 kids the youngest just turned 1. Lucky for me Sacrament meeting is last. A few times I've gotten up and left during sacrament meeting. (I don't know how I stumbled upon your blog. I don't know you. I hope you don't mind the comment.)
And then there's my mom's favorite from when we were young. "Boy am I glad I'm not in that stage anymore"...said out loud...to your face...while you kids are screaming.
3 things have helped me enjoy/get more out of Church over the last 18 months: 1) this is not a permanent stage in your life, and before you know it, you wish you had your young family again, even with them screaming through Church; 2) I make it a point to read all the lessons during the week. I find even when I am distracted I am still edified, and sometimes I can even participate; 3) I focus on not trying to get EVERYTHING out of Church - I look for just ONE or TWO things each week. This is totally different from when there were no kids, but I find if I accept that I'm not going to remember all, or even half of what's said, it's easier to be content with the one or two things I can get. Hang in there - it always gets better.
I second your motion!!!
I second the motion!
Thank you all for the great comments. I really didn't mean to sound so pathetic. I do appreciate the support though. Thank you.
Becky, Brad and I often have the conversation, "Should we just leave now before the meeting even starts? It'll save us the struggle later." It has been a long time since I have felt I got anything out of sacrament. BUT... a member of the Stake Presidency told me it's normal, and to counteract that feeling, make sure I attend the TEMPLE. That's where you can get your good dose of the spirit.
Note to sunbeam teacher, bring toys!!!! Ha... I think we will have silly putty there this sunday so we will be armed and ready!
There really are times (just last week) where Craig came to me after and wondered why he walked the halls the entire two hours/???? We just do it becuase in ten years it will be all over and there will not be an excuse to get out! ha..
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