Shopping/ Shoplifting with a three-year old

I needed one of these new shopping carts that have t.v.s in them


After an exciting morning of peeing on the carpet and locking himself in the car, Jack got a quarter for using the potty (hey now, don't judge, I'm getting frustrated and money motivates him, well, gumball machines motivate him). We were heading to the gumball store when Jack pooped his pants. The store had no changing table and no wipes but we did our best... gross. Since Charlie was in the front of the cart, I put Jack in the main cart but couldn't see him very well because of charlie. Here's what the poor grocery people had to deal with and what it must have sounded like to Jack.

Jack: Mommers (his name for when he likes me, as opposed to Mom when he doesn't) I wanna eat a cucumber.
Becky: No, I'm not in the mood for cucumbers, lets get celery instead.
J: but Why??
B: because they're yummy for our tummy.
B: Don't bite the apples. Hey you bit every one... now they're no good. No one wants to eat your germs.
J: what's a germ?
B: a bug
J: No one wants my bugs because I'm sick, I need medicine....bla bla blaa...
a little while later-
B: Jack are you eating the onions? Where's the rest of it?....(points to mouth).. gross, take it out, no don't put it back in the bag, just set it in the cart.
B: Don't step on the celery!

J; I want eggs Mommy! I wanna hold em.
B: O.k. but you have to be very careful and not open them.
(After a second he took some eggs out and began caressing them.)
B: Hey now, put it back, close up the box, you need to be very careful with eggs..... are you being careful? Close the lids...
(internal dialogue: Now why do they say something has Acai berries if it doesn't, it only has black currant berries... that's weird and misleading... which beans do I need to make green bean casserole.. of course the most expensive... go figure.)
Charlie: Waaaaaaa, waaaaaaa, waaaaaaaa
B: Good thing I packed a bottle... Here you hold it, you're 4 months now, step it up....
B: Jack what have you done? Is that egg on your hands? And running down the cart? And all the way down the aisle? You are in big trouble mister. I told you not to touch the eggs. Sit down! I don't care if it's sticky. You've been throwing eggs out of the cart, and light bulbs! You broke them!
J: You-- I'm mad at you! Grrr! You dumb dumb.... you dum dum
B: Stop that- we don't say mean things like that. Be nice.
J: You dum dum
B: stop- that's it, you've lost your privileges, no more gumballs for you..
J: dum dum dum dum dum
B: Fine you're in time out- stand right there, don't move.
B: (to store clerk) I'm sorry, but you need a clean up on aisle 9- my son broke a whole carton of eggs, and there's still some leaking out of our cart.
B: Jack what's in your mouth?
B: (to store clerk) I guess I'll take this gum he opened.
Store clerk: Are you going to buy these broken eggs?
B: Yes, serves me right for bringing a three-year old shopping.
B: Jack where did you get that apple? Put it back on the clerks table- that's not ours. You have to ask for things and buy them before you eat them.
( I then turned back to deal with the WIC stuff that of course was the wrong brand or size and it wasn't even worth going back through the store to find the right (although unmarked) items.)
B: Jack!! I guess, we'll buy this apple to... I'm sorry...
Store clerk: Have a great day! Would you like help out with that?
B: Would I ever.

Later in the car, Jack says, "Mommers (the positive again) I sorry I loose privages and I sorry I break the eggs. can I get gumball now? and bones?"



I should have watched this first.